"Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars- points of light and reason. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything."Wha...? OK, be serious now, if a guy were standing right in front of you and he said that, how hard would you have to work to not laugh?! Perhaps I lack a single romantic bone in my body (or perhaps I just think that people who talk like NORMAL, REAL PEOPLE are far more romantic than, say, vampires that "sparkle". Whatever.), but does any guy really talk that way? And if yours does--maybe you're used to it by now, but back when it first started, didn't you think "How long did you have to rehearse that bit, Romeo?" or "Where's your teleprompter?" or even "I bet you told that to your last boyfriend, Bruce!"
I just don't buy it. I'm sorry, but I don't. There is nothing "guy" about that declaration--which is how you can tell it was written entirely by a chick. Sure, we all want guys to be like that, to think that the stars in the sky collapse and they're left dark and lonely and sad when we're gone, but they're not. Their world does not end when we leave the room--that comes on Post-Superbowl Monday and lasts until March Madness. And I am ALL kinds of fine with that. I don't want to be with a guy who is that...well...NEEDY. I want a dude who has a life outside of me, who has interests and hobbies and knows that when I leave, I'll come back. Why? Because I want to be with a guy who WANTS to be with me, not who NEEDS to be with me. Wanting implies he CHOOSES every day to stick with me. That he's aware of all other options, but thinks that I'm the best game in town. Needing implies that he has no choice in the matter.It's the hallmark of someone with no other options, no choice. In my opinion, it's much better to be with someone who's choosing to be there, not who's stuck there.
And besides, if my dude has a life outside me, then I get to have my own interests, too. ;)
No, see, I dig Anne Rice's vampires. Lestat and Louis, Claudia, Mekare and Maharet....THOSE were Vampires you could get behind--they weren't mushy and soft and dependent on some tween mortal chick...they took what they wanted, they were bold and intimidating and gorgeous. And they talked like real people.
That's definitely one of my top criteria for readability--the real people have to talk like real people. Real people do not compare loved ones to stars in the sky and say "brilliancy". It all goes to believability, and while I'll allow some distortion of reality and call it "creative license", if your people talk like a Shakespearean sonnet, I'm gone.
So, yeah. I'm not feelin' the whole Twilight thing. Although, I'd totally be into feeling Rob Pattinson. Yummy.
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