Form Follows Function

I'm starting to let silly little things get to me in big ways. I don't quite know why.

For example, the Glade commercials where the lady's always trying to pass the Glade candles off as fancy French candles, the air freshener spray off as hard work done cleaning and the plug in off as some "boutique-y" fragrance. Oh, and the candle that she says is from her spa, where she's receiving an aromatherapy treatment.

What, exactly, the hell is that all about? Is there such a thing as a boutique fragrance? Is there candle snobbery running rampant through society? Do rich people's homes smell significantly better than everyone else's? And does it matter if they do?

And then I'm bothered by the frequency by which people do stupid things like: stand and chat directly in a line of traffic or in front of the only exit door. Cut in front of you while you're carrying a tray full of food/drinks/dirty baby diapers (OK, the last one doesn't bother me, 'cause I promise, if I'm about to lose that load, I'm going to lose it all over your shirt. Some lessons are expensive and grody.). Absentmindedly back into your cart at the store, or with the same absentminded-ness, run into you with their cart.

Or how some people stare at you openly when you are forced by circumstances (completely within your control, but nonetheless, pooched all to hell anyhow) to breastfeed your kid in a store.

Here's the thing about that one. I'm not a "lactivist". I'm not attempting to define my breasts as political entities, and I'm not popping them out for my enjoyment or to make a point. I'm feeding my kid. That's all. If you want to look, that's all you (I'm telling myself that, but really? It's disconcerting. Especially when it's males doing the looking), but all I'm doing is providing a meal for my kid.

We were in Costco last weekend and this tweenage boy carrying a Wii that his Mom bought for him came up next to my table in the concession area (and it was an EMPTY concession area, there were PLENTY of tables to sit at that were not within sightline of my tits) and blatantly ignored the obviously precious Wii in his hands in favor of staring at my boob.

For the record, it wasn't both boobs. It was one, DISCREETELY bared boob. And when Chuck's latched on right, you can't really see much more than if I were wearing a cleavage-baring shirt. Which I do on occasion, and honestly, if I'm showing off the cleavage, obviously I want people to look. That's not the issue.

The problem is that it made me feel dirty--like I was doing something to be ashamed of. When I moved to attempt to shield myself from the intent stare of this kid (who probably went home and molested himself, a thought which just occured to--and simultaneously nauseated--me. Gag.), he just moved so he could see better.

Gross. It was so obvious that even Eric noticed it and commented on it. And it bothered me. I felt dirty--I felt dirty for just feeding my daughter. Something that women all over the world do dozens of times (and believe me, it IS dozens of times) in a day without any problems at all. And the first time I get the cojones up to try the big ol' boobie drop in public, that's what I got.

Here's why it grossed me out. He was putting a sexual connotation on something that's abjectly NOT sexual. If I'm wearing a shirt that lets the girls bounce in the breeze, if you will, then that's ME giving a part of my body significance as a sexual object, and that's OK. That's my choice and my label, me saying that it's OK to look at the goods. Women do that sort of thing because getting a little attention from a guy makes us feel good and inherently feminine--after all, when a dude shows off the moob (that's man-boob) cleavage, well, let's just say, it's not lookin' all that girly, now is it?

No, boobs are essential female parts, and yeah, they're pretty to look at.

(Reason number 2,138,098,786,787 why I'm glad I'm a girl. I can say that boobs are pretty and that I like them with no desire whatsoever to either grab my crotch to affirm my gender identity or any lessening whatsoever of my status as a female among my peers.)

But there's a time when boobs are not just pretty, but are also functional. And that time is when you're feeding a baby. No, I can't change what boobs are to men, and to a certain extent, I can't fault that kid for looking. He's just following biological directives and looking at something that's really kind of taboo when you're on the verge of puberty/deeply in the midst of it--a bared boob.

I think I can safely fault the Mom, though, who sat there and OBVIOUSLY noticed her son staring at a stranger and did NOTHING about it, and who failed to teach him that staring at people is beyond rude anyway.

But, seriously, take a picture. It lasts longer.

Moms who BFIP (and if you did it, you know what that means), how'd you get over the discomfort of baring it in public? Did any of you use a shawl or blanket or something--and if you did, how'd you manage to get yourself all sheielded and still manage to latch a newborn on, or relatch him/her once they lost the latch? Even with the shielding, does the discomfort go away? Does it ever feel less strange to nurse in public? I'm OK around friends and family, but it's sketchy to try to do this in, say, Costco.