Procrastination

I admit it, I'm a procrastinator. I will put off anything until tomorrow...laundry, vacuuming, unloading the dishwasher--anything.

Which might go a long way toward establishing why National Novel Writing Month and I are not friends.

It's not that I don't want to write a novel. Or a short story. Or flash fiction. Or, well, frigging SOMETHING. It's not even an issue of WANT. I have to write--you'll have to ask Eric and the midgets to verify this, but since I've been writing even the teensy bit I've been writing this month, I'm already easier to get along with. It's just that every time I sit down to a computer to write, I end up on Facebook. Or MySpace. Or a message board. Or reading web comics or blogging here or, or, or, or, or.

I don't know why I procrastinate writing. It's something I actually LIKE to do. I love sitting down to write a scene and having it just flow out exactly how I pictured it. I love sitting down and writing a boatload of crap and editing the hell out of it the next day. I even love sending a story out to a friend for an opinion and having them come back with a whole list of notes for fixing.

So why don't I do it?! Why is it like pulling teeth to get me to sit here with my cute little laptop and bang out 1667 words a night? For just 30 days?! Most of which I'll get to throw away at the end ANYWAY?!

Why am I blogging this instead of writing the next part of my book?

Oy. I am so contrary. It's maddening. I want to slap myself around a little bit. Instead, I'll probably go get a bagel and some tea. I'll do the smack-down tomorrow. Or maybe Tuesday. Tuesday seems better.

Happy Halloween!

I love Halloween, don't you? It's darn near my favorite holiday. I'm not sure which I like more, Halloween or Christmas!

OK, so it's Christmas. I'm all about the presents. But, candy is good, too. And free candy is even better!

This year, we're all dressing up as pirates. Arrr! Admittedly, the girls' costumes are better than Eric's and mine, but it's all about the kids, right? I'm excited to have Charlotte be a little bigger this year so that she can have some fun, too!

We've got about a foot and a half of snow still on the ground right now. But, that's Colorado for you--I don't remember a single Halloween when I was a kid that didn't have a costume based around a winter coat and some boots. Kids in Colorado don't get to be Tinkerbell! ;)

Anyway, we're doing good here. We're trying to find a place to live (there might be big news on that upcoming) and waiting to be done with fall break (a week off school is too much. Summer is going to KILL me.). Charlotte has seven teeth now, and she's going to be walking ANY DAY NOW. The only thing holding her back is her unwillingness to let go of the object she's holding on to. I think she's just crafty...right now she knows that if she can't get somewhere, we'll pick her up. She likes to be carried and cuddled. Peyt's doing good in school and we have conferences on November 9. I can't wait to hear what the teacher has to say. Well, unless it's bad. Then I will be heartbroken!

Maybe not heartbroken. But bummed.

I don't really have much to post. We've just been busy with...well...life! NaNoWriMo starts on Sunday, so maybe I'll have more to say then. Maybe. ;)

Squee!

One of my favorite diabetes bloggers, Kerri Sparling, just posted that she's pregnant!

Squee!

I'm so excited for her. She's been working at getting her body ready for a long time, and she's finally going to be a Mommy. Isn't that thrilling?

Also? I'm doing the StepOut for Diabetes next weekend. Toss me money, mmkay? There's a link over to the right. ;)

I have other things to blog about, but I need to shut this down and get my proof of purchase uploaded so I can upgrade this ingrate computer to Windows 7. Vista is giving me hives! Back later.

Gravity: My Archnemesis

I fell down again.

Like, big fell down. You know how I fell in January and broke my ankle but didn't drop the baby? Yeah, this time I fell outside of Wolf Camera and potentially broke my right patella (and definitely reinjured my left ankle). BUT. Again, I didn't drop the baby.

Amber:2 Gravity:0

Go me!

**********

OK, so clumsiness aside, we've been BUSY. Busy, busy, busy. There's been school, there's been drama related to the PTA and the Stepford Moms within, and there's been a business to start and a new blog to write for.

Yeah, that's right, I said it. A new blog to write for! I'm writing over at theloungingroom.com on Mondays--Mom and Machine Mondays! Be sure to catch me there every Monday from now on.

Oh...you mean the business part? That's right...I've decided to start my own photography business. You can check it out at MamarazziDesigns.com! I'm focusing mostly on kids and families, but I think I'll do senior pictures, too (please take note, if you're in the Denver area). I'm excited about it and hopefully I'll be crazy busy with that soon!

The drama is just drama. I just don't think you can have a group of women assigned to a task without there being drama. There's always one woman who feels like she needs the control and decides to take it in the most catty and evil way possible. Anyway, I was in such a group and I decided I didn't want to play that game, so I quit. And apparently quitting caused drama, too.

WHATEVER.

I'm over it. Eventually, they will be, too.

So, we're a month into school, and things are going brilliantly. Peyt's making friends and is already invited to a birthday party. Get this--there will be HORSES. Gasp! Horses! It's every girl's fondest wish!

So much for the days when we could skate by with a Chuck E Cheese party. Someone just u;pped the ante. Fuckers.

OK, not really. They're not fuckers. I actually like the little girl's Mom. She's the least Stepford one there.

I think that's about it for now. Maybe we'll settle into a pattern and I'll be updating more frequently. Maybe!

Happy First Birthday, Charlotte!

Happy First Birthday, Charley!

One year ago today, I gave birth to a teensy, tiny little baby girl. She was so small, she couldn't even regulate her own body temperature. She was born after a week-long hospital stay at the end of a high-risk pregnancy, during half of which I was on modified bedrest. She was born a month early to a Mama who everyone thought was on the verge of a stroke, or at the very least, an ischemic attack. Nobody knew what her birth would bring--we thought her lungs were OK, but there was no certainty. We weren't 100% sure how premature she was, we weren't sure what she would weigh. When she was born, she was silent and pale. NICU nurses were called in and everyone started playing the "Let's try to focus Mom's attention elsewhere!" game. Eric rushed over to tell me we could name her Charlotte (it had been up in the air until that moment. I knew when he conceded the race, things were not so much OK). The anaesthesiologist started telling me stories about his kids. Dr. Guggenheim started telling me how well I had healed after Peyt.

The only thing I didn't hear was the one thing I needed most to hear--a baby cry!

Eventually, of course, she did. And everything was just fine. She had jaundice, we cleared it up. She was so tiny she shivered a lot unless we held her--so we held her. We tried nursing, it didn't work, so we gave her bottles. One by one we overcame anything she had to throw at us--frankly, it wasn't much. ;)

Here we are, a whole year later. What a year! Charlotte is still tiny. She's probably not going to be a basketball player or a linebacker. She'll be my little girl for a long time to come. But she's sweet--oh, she's sweet. She's happy and lovable. She's my snuggler and she's my Mama's Girl. She stands by herself--she wants to walk so badly! No, check that...she wants to RUN. She ADORES her big sister--her entire face lights up when we go to pick her up after school, and she gets so sad when Peyt goes into her classroom. She hates sitting still, she hates being in her carseat and in her stroller...but she loves when Mama carries her. She waves bye-bye and gives slobbery kisses with lots of tongue.

My baby girl is getting so big! It's hard to imagine that she's been here with us for a whole year. Peyton can't even believe it! We love her so much...she's brought so much to our family and so much to the world. I was so hesitant to have another child, and everyone told me I was being silly. Thankfully, for once they were right. Now I can't imagine NOT having two kids!

Right now she's eating a Nutrigrain bar she just mashed into tiny bits. I looked over at her, and through a cereal and apple covered face, she grinned her two-toothed grin at me. My heart melts! Happy Birthday, babydoll. Mama loves you!

Mission First Day of Kindergarten: Accomplished

That was a close one, folks. I wasn't sure we were going to make it!

She was SO excited and happy to be going to school....until she had to line up to go into her classroom. I think it got a little too real for her. Plus, they had them lined up there for about 10 minutes, so I think she had too much time to think about everything. And it was new. And she's still little.

Anyway...she was sad. She cried a little and her sweet little face crumpled and her eyes welled up with tears. I gave her a final cuddle and walked to the end of the patio and made brave smiley faces and gave her thumbs up while inside, I was a freakish crying mess.

It hurts to watch your baby cry and know that not only is there nothing you can really do, but there is, in fact, pressing reason for you to do nothing whatsoever.

I worried about her. Her teacher was there and swooped to the rescue. She brought over the nametags she'd made for each kid and asked Peyt to help her find hers. Peyton found hers (she can read and write her own name) and pointed it out to Mrs Sharp.

Mrs Sharp: Oh! You can read!
Peyton: No. Just my name.
Mrs Sharp: Well, reading your name is reading. You're a reader!

And Peyt perked up a little...not because she's a reader (because I found out today that she doesn't really care about reading), but because her nametag is a big STICKER. Peyton would sell me, her sister and her father for a sticker. But, she was still very sad. And had a tough time. So, when they were getting ready to go in, Mrs. Sharp took Peyt's hand and led her into the classroom.

Which was perfect timing, because I fell apart right then and started crying.

I worried about her until exactly 2:35 PM, when I looked in the window of her classroom at the kids all lined up and saw her grinning little face and her happy wave to me. She ran out the door and over to me and started telling me how much she LOVES her school. She sang about how much she loves her school. She colored a paper and got a lollipop and even got a SOAR sticker (they're rewards for good behavior. If they meet four points of good behavior, they get a sticker. The PTA sent home posters for them to put the stickers on, too.) AND, she made a friend who ALSO has a Hello Kitty backpack. Her name is Riley. Although, Peyton couldn't remember that--she sucks with names.

She had a GREAT time. She loved it. She's excited to go back. So, we had a speed bump, but all in all, it was a grand success. She won't have any problem tomorrow...but I'm not promising that I won't. That was tough, folks.

On the Eve of Growing Up.

Tomorrow at 11:45 PM, I'll be the Mom of a Kindergartener. I'm excited for her--she is going to LOVE school. She's so excited to go. We got to meet her teacher and see her classroom. We've labeled her school supplies and put them in her cubby in her classroom. She's got her Official First Day of School outfit, she's got her Hello Kitty backpack, thermos and lunch bag. She's got her Math notebook (Hello Kitty, natch) and her Writing notebook. She has her pink and green scissors, she has her rainbow heart pencil bag and her Crayola Washable Markers (classic colors, please!).

She's ready. She's been asking me for WEEKS now, "Do I go to school tomorrow, Mama?" Oh, she's ready. She can count to 100. She knows her ABCs. She's got a few sight words and she's got a solid grasp on the sounds letters make. She can add and subtract, and she even knows the principles of multiplication and can work out what 3X2 is. She knows her colors and her shapes--she knows that a pentagon has five sides and a rhombus has four.

It's possible that at this point, she knows more than I do. I've done my best to prepare her for this. I've taught her all that I can--or at least all that she's willing to learn from me. I've given her all the knowledge I can feed into her head.

But, I'm worried. School's not just about learning, right? This is Peyt's first time flying solo in the "Making Friends" front. She's never had to make friends without me there to grease the wheels and help out. I can give her all of the knowledge she'll take from me (and if you're a Mom or a Daughter, you know how that goes. Sometimes the knowledge she'll take from me wouldn't take up all the space on the head of a pin.), but I can't make people like her.

That's what it comes down to...Peyt's going to have to learn about little girls. And the thing about girls is that we're nasty, vile creatures when we're small--and some of us never, ever grow out of it. She's going to get a crash course in how crappy people can be to each other. Even more fundamental, though, she's going to have to start learning that not everyone is going to like her, and that some people will have reasons for not liking her that she might be able to work out...and some will just dislike her because they can.

Growing up is tough stuff, ain't it? In reality, I likely have very little to worry about. Peyton is an amazingly well adjusted person when it comes to shrugging off personal disappointments. She's got self-esteem cast in iron. I've known that since she was teeny tiny--she's always been one to shrug off failed attempts or snarky idiots and just go on with her bidness. Let's just keep it intact through puberty, eh?

I am SO excited for her--and watching how she excited is just makes me even more geeked for her. This is a BIG step--by the end of this school year (maybe sooner), my girl will know how to READ! Can you imagine?! She'll be able to read to me!

Oh, swoon.

That totally makes my heart go pitty-pat. My little girl is going to be able to read! To me! And more importantly? She's going to be able to WRITE HER OWN STORIES.

Ahhh....I love school. I love Peyton's school. It's sort of a half-circle shape, and around the arch of the circle are the classrooms (they're all named after Creeks. Peyt's in Dove Creek.), the office and the specials rooms (and the cafeteria) are on the straight side. In the middle? The library! All of the classrooms are, like, 10 feet away from the library!

So much fun and so much to learn! I can't wait to hear what she thinks when I pick her up tomorrow. I can't wait to look through her folder on Friday and see what she's been learning. I can't wait to volunteer in her class and do fundraisers for her school and all that stuff that comes along with being the parent of a school-aged munchkin. My little girl went to bed a preschooler tonight...and she'll go to bed tomorrow a Kindergartener.

And I can't stop grinning.